windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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