Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
