I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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