I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And then my night got REAL pukey
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
