I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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