we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
