bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
