Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
