Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
