How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
