is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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