I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
