Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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