WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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