Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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