the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I believe in your delicious
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
