Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
