I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
