Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
