Well apparently he's into motor boating.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I know her cup size but not her name....
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