I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
