I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
