Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
