He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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