feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
