I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
