I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
