You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
