I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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