Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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