I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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