worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
