I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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