I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
