last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
