I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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