now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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