my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
