therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
