omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
