so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He shit in the fireplace
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
