I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
