the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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