Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
