OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
