Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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