Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
