shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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