what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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