just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
