did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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