Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
