Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
