Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
