She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
