There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
