Say something about gay babies.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
