so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
