After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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