he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
